Warning: include(/resume/top.php): failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/offoffoff/offoffoff.com/www/resume/nyp1999.php on line 2

Warning: include(): Failed opening '/resume/top.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/local/lib/php:/usr/local/php5/lib/pear') in /home/offoffoff/offoffoff.com/www/resume/nyp1999.php on line 2

New York Post
Headlines, 1999



        A Norwegian daredevil leaped off of the Empire State Building and the Chrysler Building, but when he jumped from the World Trade Center, they managed to arrest him. The judge let him go with no jail time, but she confiscated his parachute. It might not be obvious, but this was easily my naughtiest headline:

Skydiver is spared chuteless

        It was recently discovered that the crown prince of Jordan not only is a huge "Star Trek" fan, but got a brief walk-on part on "Star Trek: Voyager." The science-fiction-loving future king was thrilled, because it was:

ONE SMALL STEP FOR AMMAN

        Always eager to provide a public service, we informed our readers that April 9 would be the best day to have sex if they're determined to have a baby on Jan. 1, 2000:

Can one hot date lead to a Y2K baby? It's conceivable

        Orlando, Florida, home of Walt Disney World, found itself with such a mouse infestation that it went on a massive, if ironic, mouse eradication campaign:

Rodent-ridden Orlando joins Icky Mouse Club

        Researchers looked for connections between childhood spanking and adult problems such as drinking and drug abuse, and found that:

Adults who were spanked often get tanked

        When "Shakespeare in Love" won the Oscar, I worried that nobody would get the following headline. Luckily even the boss' doorman mentioned it the next morning so I guess it wasn't too obscure for the ever-literate New Yorker:

A WINNER'S TALE FOR 'SHAKESPEARE'

        Friends of a woman recently divorced from a convicted mobster rallied to help her and her children save their home from what they said was a shady deal by her husband's family:

Mob wife fights for her casa nostra

        The city of New York had planned to take a strip of land running through 13 people's back yards and auction it off, but then they decided to drop the plan:

City takes land chop off menu

        A New Jersey man is planning to sue after getting a misspelled tattoo in which the word "else" was written "elese." Unfortunately, he was a:

Tattooed man marked for lif

        A simple new birth-control pill is being developed for men. I thought the headline was much too juvenile to take credit for, but my sister insists that I put it on my web page so she can see it on the other side of the country:

Birth-control pill for men seemin' likely

        A British clothier, having already gained attention for including breast-cancer information on the tags of its bras, has now started to include prostate-cancer information in men's trousers. So now you can simply:

Glance in your pants for health info


Warning: include(/resume/bottom.php): failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/offoffoff/offoffoff.com/www/resume/nyp1999.php on line 74

Warning: include(): Failed opening '/resume/bottom.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/local/lib/php:/usr/local/php5/lib/pear') in /home/offoffoff/offoffoff.com/www/resume/nyp1999.php on line 74